16 Comments
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Apra Gotla's avatar

"She saw without seeing" juxtaposed against "“I got tired of asking permission to exist,” he confided, looking at the seatback in front of him but with the cloudy gaze of remembering what he had escaped. “Down there, nobody cares who you were.”"

What a universal paradox - to be seen and unseen in the worst way possible.

Jaap STIJL's avatar

That's the compound in one sentence, the architecture of being used.

rena's avatar

The drive was uncomfortable but now the alarms are blaring...

Bradley Vee's avatar

Great pacing and description.

Jaap STIJL's avatar

Thanks, Bradley

MoTy's avatar

A slow fever builds. The details are placed so carefully they slip past unnoticed. Each scene feels like a locked suitcase, and I sense nothing good waits inside. So far, Jaap, it’s greens diet only. Open the suitcase.

Rajani Radhakrishnan's avatar

Nice! Chapter 4 is set up for the real bad guys to show up!!!

Jaap STIJL's avatar

Ha! The real bad guys indeed, Shhh but don’t tell anyone :)

Richbee's avatar

Beginning to feel stifling. Concrete bunker, coiled wire on wall and bar balconies. Once inside and metal sliding door closed; hope there is a code to be released.

Jaap STIJL's avatar

Sliding closed.

Billy Bumbo's avatar

The nuance in your prose is 🔥!

Jaap STIJL's avatar

Thank you, Billy!

ashes's avatar

Comforting travel into what? Prison? Frightening

KR (Kenneth Rosen)'s avatar

Wow, the cement skeleton skyscrapers suddenly leaned on me without of course bending!

KR (Kenneth Rosen)'s avatar

Eery. Vannak is after his kidneys, my guess. Watched HUMINT on Netflix last night. Dark and magnificent Korean cinematography, choreography, love story, the human condition.

A Sjoberg's avatar

I love connecting on here 🤍 I always sub back and I review my subscribers’ work when it lands in my inbox.

I also write dark fiction here on Substack, and my first book is releasing tomorrow, so it’s a really exciting time for me.

If that’s your kind of thing, you’re very welcome to check it out. If you’re open to connecting, I’d love to support each other.